I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
