Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
