Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
