I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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