It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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