508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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