you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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