Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
