physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
