everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
