And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
