so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
