Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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