how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
did i just pee glitter
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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