just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
babies were throwing up all over the place
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
