By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
