wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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