Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
