I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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