Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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