My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Randomize
