The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
