This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
