You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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