I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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