Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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