my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
