man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
