census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
