you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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