i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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