Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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