addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
