She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i want to swaddle you in tequila
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
