Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
