upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
