We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
