I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
