sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
