She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
