she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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