dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
