fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize