Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
