I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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