Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
