Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
