Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I cockslap morals
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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