Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
