Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
