if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
