dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
