we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
