Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
