K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
And then he peed in my hair
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