I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
