Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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