if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Alive.
So much puke
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Panties = found
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
