There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
