We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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