My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
