i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
