I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
They have beer where we have blood.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
