i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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