Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
