and you said cock pushups were impossible
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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