I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
birth control should be required to get into college
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
