I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
