I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
