also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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