i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
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