Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
