sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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