I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
