so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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