Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
